Self Love

We are told that we cannot truly love others until we learn to love ourselves.

What does it mean to love oneself? Does it mean we should be vain and preen ourselves until we look as physically attractive to others as possible? Does it mean we should be proud of our achievements and boast about what we have done, where we have been, whose shoulders we have rubbed? Does it mean we should live a healthy life, exercise and only put into our bodies wholesome nourishment, or treat ourselves to cakes and sweets when we feel we deserve it?

All these things have their merits. To be washed and clean, to feel we look nice and have healthy bodies, all contributes to a feeling of well-being. To feel productive, useful and use our intelligence helps us find some place in the world, but there is a fine line between self-love and ego.

In Zen, loving oneself is akin to loving others. It is more to do with aligning ourselves with the universe than viewing ourselves as a separate entity around which the world revolves.

Pure love is unconditional. We love a child, and we allow dispensations because they are young and are learning the ways of the world. The child is driven by ego and believes that the world really does revolve around it and the tantrums and errors it makes can easily be indulged with humour by the adult. The adult tantrums and errors are not so easily accepted by other adults who believe they should know better and behave like adults.

If we can view ourselves with the same humour as we allow the child, the issues we wish to throw tantrums over become less poignant and the errors more acceptable.

We are all learning. No-one has all the answers. Adults do possess rationality and reason, but we can be our own harshest judges and can still view ourselves as the centre of the universe.

Loving oneself comes with a letting go of the trivialities and pettiness that life throws up. If we could see ourselves through the eyes of another, we could see our problems are not as mighty as we feel them to be.

Love your neighbour as you love yourself. Do unto others as you would wish to be done unto you. Whatever your religious or non-religious beliefs, these are excellent guidelines for self-love.

Show yourself compassion, be gentle with yourself and with others. Take life slowly and view it as a whole.